Sunlight

 March 27 2022

I remember this day, I was sitting in a nearby park, listening to music and getting some Sun light. At that time, I was smiling at myself, wondering how beautiful it is to get some sunlight after a long time. Working long hours endlessly without any break or dayoff, I wish I was free. I was surprised that as simple as sitting out for some sunlight is able to make me so happy. Watching people go by at the park, birds, squirrels and rabbits. 

I sat there for an hour, I wished if I had someone to talk to, couldn't make any friends. All the people I know are coworkers with their own life, I wish I was a part of something important. I wish I was needed. Just sitting there enjoying the Sun and the beautiful music of nature is good enough, would been better if I had a soul to talk to. But that's life. Be happy with what you have. Enjoy the precious moment.     

Present Day -  October 12th  2023

Life is not bad, happy, alive, surviving, wish it would stay this way, but I know I'm running out of time, lost a these days, the challenge is good yet, no since of success of hope. Help is nowhere to be seen. I tried, tried, tried and tried, yet the same old rejection response and no success. I focused on one small goal all year, others have found it and many have failed. I looked for all options, none is working. 

Long working hours, lots of failures and rejections. I tried my best, and I did what I can yet, couldn't see anything positive, time is running out, I ran as fast as I can until I lost my breath after the failed battle. 

I wanted to cry but was not able to do it, if I cried I might feel better, but I couldn't cry. 

Again at God's door step, knocking at his door for an answer, I am here, please see me,"If you are able to do anything, have pity on us and help us" Mark 9:22.  The world is beautiful and I wish to stay.