A Break? A Vacation? A dream? - Scotland Trip (Not a travel blog)

 

Free flow writing.................. (lot of errors, gaps, out of topics coming up) (21/06/2023)

So, I took a break from work, been working non stop for the past 2 years or more, didn't have a good reason to go out somewhere, I wanted to go travel and see places for a long time, but there is a different side of me who wants to work hard and save money and then work hard again and save money for the future. I gave myself a hard decision to make this time, and I had a help from a friend. I failed my driving test and I couldn't buy a car yet, so I needed someone who is equally interested in traveling with "me" and see places. 

Not a great introduction.... I know. 

I am just poring out my mind, Its been a long time since I written something. I feel happy to write again, but there is this huge monstrous phenomenon called time and life. As I write, I am thinking about getting back to my job in a few hours, listening to a song in German-Slovakian which I don't understand, worried about my future, feeling to burn down something and scream out. 

Again not an introduction... I don't know where this is going, letting my mind free, to express my thoughts. I dream about going to a place, to meet a friend, walk with them around the countryside or city. Talking , laughing and eating together. More dreams, more dreams, day dreams, happy dreams, wish if it would come true. 

hmmmm......

Let me talk about the trip to Scotland, past 9 months, my life was just my job, I go to work, come back to my room, cook, eat, take a shower, sleep, wake up, go to work again x2 as I have 2 jobs - no family no friends- just endless rat race. If someone is ever reading this, you might have the scenario in life. I do wish to work for something I truly love or maybe every job that we do would be the same, it would be the repetition that makes us want to quit.

I am moving away from my subject, I wish to speak more, but let me stay on the subject.

My dear friend who proof reads my blog would be angry about all the errors and mistakes I make. Eh...😊

So here I am, exhausted and worried about my future, also once at work I even had a nose bleed.

I thought that's my last day on earth or I might not have much time to live. I was a bit glad, I could finally experience death and escape this aimless rat race but no, didn't die. 

The Journey Begins

I got a call from my friend (Krish) who lives far from me one day, its been 9 months since we met, we talked long as its been a while since we ever talked or spoke to each other, we both were free that week, he asked me if I want to go to Scotland, I wanted to go see my sister who is studying in Scotland and who I have not seen for the past 2+ years, So I said yes, lets go. Its been a while I have gone on a journey. 

I finished my shift, went to my room, had a shower, went to bed, it was 10:30 pm, my bus to our meeting place is at 2:55 am, I had a few hours of sleep, woke up, got the bus, tried sleeping in the bus, but it was not comfortable, and I was excited about the travel. I reached the place at 7:30 am, called my friend, as expected he was asleep and didn't know I was here, I went for a walk around the bus station as it holds few memories here. He picked me up later and went to his room, he went back to sleep, as he was exhausted after his night work.  

Hmmm, spending time with a human being for the next two days, in a car, in one room? something tells me it would be difficult for me. I have this weird problem, I would be okay to be around friends or people for a few hours after that I want to just move away. It's bad I know, not a great character to have in a human, at first I thought  introversion is great but, not true. Its hard and I can't help it, I often wish to be with friends but something makes me move away from them after a while I don't know what or why? When this happens for a few time, people stop calling me for any occasions. I lost the human interactions completely for the past 9 months. 

Networking

Ever heard about networking? Working with people across many domains and having connections and making friends. I couldn't do that, Networking is important for a great carrier growth. After meeting him this long, I got the full picture, he have made a lot of friends and memories, he have traveled to many places, always talking about things he did in that place, the fun he had. If I had made just one friend at my current place, I would have had good memories or fun things to do together. Nope! didn't happen. 

Mega Mind 

I got this feeling that my brain is getting expanded and my head is getting bigger at the beginning of my journey . This is just a feeling inside. I wonder why? Whenever I travel far I feel this. One time we stopped near to a river and we started cooking lunch, while eating I sat on a large rock in the middle of the river and I felt so calm and peaceful I thought about writing something, I was in a world of trance, I didn't care about anything, it was like a day dreaming, just being in that moment. Lost in that thoughts. It was a miracle a meditation and I am happy that I was able to experience the nature. 

Goals Matter

Two people set for a journey, one wants to see as many places in 2 days and meet his sister after a long time, and another wants to shoot video using a drone in locations to make content for his YouTube channel. At first it was okay, then it became a distraction for both. One wanted to stop at few places to see the place and savour the moment, get down at a place were there was a lot of trees and the early morning Sun was shining at an angle through the trees and it was a magical moment, one liked the silly things in life, one wanted to make the perfect shot to post in YouTube. Goals matters.

I wish I could write this all down in one day, it takes a lot of time to think about the experience and write it down and make sense. I hope what I write down makes sense. 

Now I feel like I forgot half of the things. I feel blocked from my thoughts. I should have finished everything in a day. 

Meeting my sister

The journey continued, working on our difference and having different goals and different mind set, the journey is getting a bit hard, as I told myself in the beginning spending time with another human begin for two days is a challenge, it started to kick in, I wish to take a break and sit quiet with my thoughts for an hour. But we are in a hurry, as my friend needs to get a sunset shot of Edinburgh. 

Reached my sister's place, met her after a long time, didn't feel like it was very long ago, she still looks the same, grown up, matured adult.

She prepared some dinner for us, was very delicious chicken curry and Kerala Poratha that's when I knew all this day I was not making the actual chicken curry, this one tasted like home. Now mine feels very bad cooking. I should go back and start learning how to make a chicken curry again. I didn't feel anything wrong until I tasted the actual curry. 

We went for a walk after this and we talked a bit, we went near a river and watched all the boats go by, my mind is again going time a dream world, relaxed, happy, silent. Suddenly, my friend asked lets go, he waved his hand and signaled lets go. Wanted to stay for a bit longer but I left any way, me and my sister didn't have anything to talk much. As if we are strangers. I said my goodbyes and left. 

Night At Edinburgh 

Silence, more silence, I tried to talk to my friend, he is focused on getting to Edinburgh before sunset and it is already very cloudy and looks like its going to rain today.  I remember yesterday when I checked the weather, I told him that there is a 40% chance of rain, but he dismissed that, today I checked the weather again and today we have an yellow alert. 

He kept driving, it was late already when we reached there as there is no Sun and its cloudy it was like that when we left from my sister's place. We walked towards Calton hill, it started raining by the time we reached the top, everyone has left there were only a photographer left. He was holding an umbrella talking the pictures of the city night time, must admire their work, waiting for the perfect shot at the hardest time, I love photographers, I have written a blog about it before, time flies. 

Everyone left, its raining, and it doesn't look like its going to stop anytime soon, Krish is not happy, walking around impatiently as his plan has failed, he wanted to perfect sunset and night time shot, he just don't want any shot only the perfect. Successful people might be like this, focused on one thing, making that on perfect shot, I wished I was like him sometimes, be able to do things without thinking too much about it, doing things that what one like, not worried about the rules of life, just being aggressive in pursuit in own goal.  This could be what business leaders call an entrepreneur's mind, being brave and doing things that are not mainstream, the rebel, the underdog, the visionary. 

Edinburgh is different from other cities in England, the buildings are bit taller, I might be wrong, I have not traveled many cities in the UK for the past 2 years, I was busy working different jobs and saving money. Sometimes I wonder, why I do this and never enjoy my time. I think and talk about enjoying the present yet, I don't do it. I am working. I see people taking a break, going on a vacation, but not me. I fear to take a break, I worry about taking a vacation. I regret not travelling, I regret not enjoying but they don't feel like a big regret of life, on the other hand I'm happy that I made money, paid my sister's college fee.  

Once in a video in YouTube, a truck driver explained his life, life of an Indian is survive and sustain, can't expect much out of life, just survive and sustain. I wish I could break that circle, I wish I could be free from worries about the future. Its funny, I talk about enjoying the present and living life to the fullest yet after a while I start to worry about the future and life. 

One week later.... Why did I start writing this at the first place? 

Anyway back to Edinburgh, I should have traveled more, but must be willing to spent money, which I am not. My friend is focused on getting his perfect shot. One day he is going to be a success. 

We stood at the top of the hill for that shot, I was enjoying the rain and the time left before going to work, I felt free and relaxed yet, my mind goes to work mode, preparing me to start my job again. Mixed thoughts, worries and distraction. I must focus, I thought in my mind. 

The view of the city and the rain is beautiful up this hill and I love just standing there, I wished to talk more and share some good conversations about life. Krish is still angry at the rain and walking back and forth due to frustration. Sad, but that's life, he must wait for another day to get the shot. Told him to enjoy the weather as is it, he is focused on his job. 

We waited for 2 hours, nothing. The rain didn't stop. We gave up and started walking back downhill, I didn't want my favorite t-shirt and jacket to get wet, so I took them off and walked down the street, something was bothering me, it wasn't the rain,  I didn't care about what people thought, I was having a moment of tantrum towards an unknown force for an unknown reason. 

End.

What the hell just happened? I know..... that's what I am asking to myself?