I tried drinking for the first time | Harison Xavier

A long time ago, I tried drinking alcohol for the first time. I have drunk a couple of beers and tried wine a long time ago, but not "The alcohol", I don't know how to call it, in general, I have known that beers have less alcohol content, and friends say that's nothing. "You will need to drink or try the real ones "hot", brandy, rum, whiskey, vodka any of these. I rejected their theory, I was a highly God-fearing and obedient kid back then, I feared if I drink a glass I will be thrown in hell. After years past I got this wish to try drinking and see what happens. 

The wish grew stronger as months passed by, I heard writers, poets, thinkers, movie makers, and all creative artists drink because it makes them more creative. Drinking is the reason that they are getting successful ideas and inspiration. Finally, I made a plan and asked my close friend for help, he agreed as he loves to drink. Every one of my friends was surprised when I shared this idea. 

Finally, the day came, I called up my friend and he was busy yet picked me up and took me to a faraway place away from my hometown, this was due to the fact that I should not be seen by anyone other than my friends. If my family gets to know it will be another problem that can't be resolved. What he got is a vodka, I was expecting a brandy or rum. Since it was my first time and since I am not aware of what to choose, I went for vodka, we sat at the back of a car and my friend poured the first glass. 

It was vodka with an orange flavor. It tasted very intense, clear water-like liquid yet so different taste, it is not sweet, I didn't like the taste, I always wonder how could people drink it? Anyway, I took another one and checked if there are any changes in my body or mind, I wished this could change me if this could enlighten my mind or make me creative. Or give me the courage to do the things I fear. 

I failed a million times already, I proved back to back to every teacher who taught me that I am a failure, I let down everyone who believed in me. I really taught I will be successful, I will be great, I will do great things for my family. The reality was I couldn't. I fall short, I failed and kissed the ground and ate dirt. I don't talk to many people anymore, the shame and pain of all the failures made my head bow down. I tried a million things and got rejected and came crashing down hard. 

Maybe this is it, the thing that was missing from all the million things I tried. I should have maybe added a drink into it, maybe that would have opened my mind, or bring out the animal in me and do all the things I couldn't do. This is it, I will have my brain working better for a while and I will be doing a miracle. Like that magic pill that we need to change our life. 

I drank 2 more glasses, I felt dizziness and I couldn't think, Oh..no.. this is not what I was looking for. Where is that creativity drive those intellectuals were talking about? My head feels heavy, on the other hand, my friend is normal, the vodka didn't work for him, he wanted more. I am feeling sad by now, I was hoping for a great revelation or a drive of ideas that can change my life or courage to do things. 

My friend wanted more, he took me to a bar nearby. This was the first time I ever saw the inside of this place. Wow, there were more people inside than the people in the city combined. Is this the place people come to find peace and happiness? Is this the place that is great for social gatherings? My friend went inside and bought a bottle of beer and he drank it. I am feeling dizzy again and this time it is very strong dizziness. I can't walk, I am trying to focus, It was fun but I am sad inside because I couldn't find what I wanted. I can't think straight or alteast stand straight. I wish I had a mentor or a someone more elder than me to guide me through life. So the experiment failed. 

Just like everything else, I failed again. I just wanted to make a difference and bring success to my life. I failed. I want to win. I want success. The great plan of drinking for the first time and being creative came crashing down.  I don't regret the decision to drink. I am sad that I didn't get what I was expecting. There is nothing there on the other side. Guess I am not creative..hahaha. If I was, I would have done something by now. I am just laughing at myself.

Another failure in the basket. Moving forward.