If Death Comes For Me Tonight, It's Okay | Harison Xavier

Trees and Sky - Just trying my photography skills

  I am happy. Am I lying to myself? I am confused but recently I have been spending more time observing things around me - the clouds, the cool breeze, tree leaves and tall grasses moving along with it, beautiful sunny days and occasional rain, animals and birds. Observing all this I ask myself : Why didn’t I see them before? Where was I? 

Life is beautiful. 

After a long time I am back in my hometown and I am happy here, parents and friends so close to me and I could eat the most delicious home cooked food. 

So peaceful and silent nature, it is a gift to people who spend a very long time in cities. 

The hugs and friendly fights with friends, spending time with them, eating out and sitting silently at the cliff watching the city below. 

All is colourful but I must say that I am also going through a tough time. It's been awhile since I felt completely peaceful inside. I am concerned about 100 things about my future, present and past. I know it will all be fine as time goes on but as I focus on the present still the thoughts are breathtaking. It is just like jump off a cliff, grow wings and learn to fly as you drop. I want a detailed plan and move accordingly. However life is not that predictable nor does it follow anyone’s plan. 

While observing nature around me, a thought came to my mind, a simple thought but a big definition. 

“ I am worried about 100 things now, so must be my parents, friends and people I know, also so must be the people who are reading this. There are more people with much bigger problems that I have ever faced, yet they are all alive and surviving. So will I”. 

A few days ago a friend of mine told me about her issues at her job. She has been overworked by her boss for months now and she doesn't want to complain or take a break. I was thinking about talking to her and try comfort her if possible, but something stopped me. I remember she is handling a very serious job and the work pressure she is facing is way beyond anything I have ever experienced. This pulled me back from giving her any stupid advice of mine, all I can do is listen to her story and offer mental support. 

Listening to others makes me understand that life is okay, it is hard, it is unfair, yet it is also good.

Yet life goes on in its own way and we can only try to make it go our way but in the end life (or God) decides. We don’t have control over anything. 

 

These thoughts made me think. “If death comes for me tonight, It’s okay”.

I know it is a bold statement or even a stupid one, but let’s look at it this way, millions of people, animals and birds die very day. Right before their death they were all trying to make a living or survive but failed to stay alive. They couldn’t postpone their death. That’s it “Poof “ they are gone and not coming back. 

I will be one of them someday and all I worked for in my life would be for nothing. I may leave things incomplete. 

All my troubles, sufferings and happiness are temporary. 

Yes, I will be sad but it is okay, it is life. We are not here to live forever. Enjoy are brief moment here on earth and say goodbye smiling. 

I am nobody, I am not entitled to anything. 

I taught myself to be happy at any given moment and I was able to find happiness in any situation for the past 2 to 3 years but now I am constantly going down into a depression cycle. I am also enjoying it too. There is a slight excitement in holding that pain inside me and waiting for it to go away by its own.  I have not faced the toughest problems yet, even bigger problems are coming my way. I must pick myself up and prepare myself to take bigger responsibilities. 

It will all end someday yet move forward, fall forward, pick yourself up and keep moving. It's life and its beautiful.